Weeeeee...

Well, I went on a tiny little vacation this week. Time away from home and work....yay! It wasnt as great as I thought it would be. Definitely a pleasant break from all things the norm. Unfortunately, I missed Sir very much which made the trip drag on longer than needed. He was also extremely busy with work and such so I didn't get to hear from him much during the trip.

While I am glad to be home, he is still very busy so our time continues to be limited. Today is actually the first day I have been able to return to my daily routines and tasking. I was excited to roll out of bed today knowing that this was in store for me. I often refer to my tasking as chores that need to be completed. Errands, so forth and so on. These things always were something I dreaded.... But now... I eagerly wait for the alarms to go off, the reminders to occur, the days to start over so that I can complete these tasks.

They are what tie me to him, remind me of my place, and keep me going throughout the days. I love him. I love doing things for him. I love pleasing him. Busy or not, I am something he can rely on. A break in his day to review my tasks will hopefully make him smile or feel greatful. Well, then it is worth it!

Seems like a gushy full of sunshine blogpost... I guess Ive just missed Sir so much the past week that I am happy to be tasking for him again.

Writing...

I start all of my writing here as something I intend to go "live". Most times, when I sit down to write, I have absolutely no idea what will come of it. Depending on how much has been said and to what degree, I have 2 options. I can send it to Sir or I can post it here. A lot goes into that decision... how much of myself I have exposed, how much of him I have exposed, if anything I said could be disrespectful of him or paint him in a negative light, the appropriateness of the topic.... Definitely something I sometimes struggle with, but all in all I manage - of course!

I will sometimes read through the specifics of others blogs and I think to myself... omg! I could never do that. Not because I feel what others is posting is wrong, but because it takes - hmmm - how do you say... balls! Well, that or just the strict law of another's Master! =) But still.... I respect each and every one of them for the way they put themselves out there and share as much as they do about themselves and their relationship. I cant imagine it's very easy and sometimes seeing the negative comments of viewers is rather apalling and frightening! So more power to you !

This is not something thats required of me. I also tend to be a very private person and sometimes even have a hard time sending my writings to Sir. Something that I have brought up to him recently. I didn't really get from it what I was looking for, other than to know it may or may not ever become easier for me. Bottom line is that it is expected regardless of how I feel about what I wrote. One effect of it is that I do feel exposed... which Im sure he will chime in to say "as it should be", another is that I get all nervous wondering if hes alredy read it or what he thinks. Often, I dont receive any response to my writing, occasionally I do. It depends on how important he feels it is that it be addressed I suppose. Though I will say that a lot of my writing is for me to be able to vent and clear my head... most of it doesnt need response or reaction. Ultimately though, that's his place to decide.

Staying there...

Some things have come up in the last 24 hours that are making it difficult for me to stay in my place. I'm only writing about it here, now, because I think that it will help me to remember. I am out of contact with Sir now indefinitely. I am not sure when I will hear from him again or have a moment to speak to him. It is not a punishment or anything like that. Really, I think that is what is making it all so difficult. Unplanned, unexpected, uninformed..... So I find myself grasping for any and all things that remind me that I am strong enough to handle this and stand on my own. Also, that it was unplanned not only for me but for him as well and he too is suffering. I know he would want me to understand and continue to do everything expected even though I am not currently in his presence. That is what is going to help me to get through today, tomorrow, this weekend... or however long it takes before I can hear from him again. That invisible tie that holds me to him.

An Assignment...

The first one in a long time came today... Nervous about it and excited all at the same time. We'll see how it goes !!!

Here is some eyecandy, pretty pictures & corsets! EDEN

You are lacking....

How can words be so painful... remember that rhyme we heard as kids? "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

If only that were true. Little triggers...daggers even. They slice through my mind and rip at my insides. He said I was lacking. No, not just lacking in one thing... Down the list we went.. Not we - ME... he wont tell me because he wants me to say it. To say it on my own because he knows I know. The pictures, writing, logs... lacking. "What about what you do for me," Sir said, "because you want to"....a month ago was the last time. That's when he sent the daggers flying, "You are lacking at that as well...."

So here we sit...as those three little words go to work in my head, I reflect.... "If you do so again, you will be in trouble, do you understand?" Yes, I replied..... "What?" I said Yes again.... "Yes isn't good enough" what I meant was "Yes, Sir."