An Assignment...

The first one in a long time came today... Nervous about it and excited all at the same time. We'll see how it goes !!!

Here is some eyecandy, pretty pictures & corsets! EDEN

Show & Tell...

I think I have been staring at this blank page for the past 10 minutes without typing anything... without knowing what to type. Lately it seems as though all my posts are going the same direction. Into that dark and whiney place.... Im tired of that place.

I've tried the positive attitude, but when you fake it - not quite the same effect. So anyways I refuse to go there today... I just dont want to, and everytime I start trying to think of something to write.... well it just goes there. So, I'm skipping that pity party as Sir referred to it & I'm sharing this instead:

....It's by John Churton Collins btw...

"If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts should we find"

Enjoy!

Still Here...

Been nearly a month since I've written, unfortunately there just has not been much going on to write about. Sir has been busy and handling his own concerns as of late. Busy with work and such he is. We are still doing ok, and I am hoping I will have more inspiration for my writing soon, unfortunately as of right now it just is not so. *pout*

Something Light...

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."

~*~ Courtesy of Anais Nin ~*~

All Around Me...

All Around Me Lyrics by Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to to fadeInto our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand I give it you
Now you own me, All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

Random

When things are good, there is less to write about... go figure. Well, that is of course unless Sir has given me a specific task to document. So, today is no different.... I have very little to write about.... so .... a few random thoughts:

Sir has changed things... I've never been allowed to mastrubate without permission and I've always asked, but now Im required to ask not only for the chance to mastrubate but also to come. Little things have been changing... in a good way. The way he asks for things, says things, directs me. He's taking more and more control every day and his expectations of me are becoming more and more. I am responsible for more...this all makes me a very happy little girl. His very happy little girl....

I am concerned about something though. Our time is going to change soon due to other obligations of both of us. I don't know if it's just not knowing how it will effect things or just worried that it may effect things. I would like to think that I have grown, and we have grown enough over the past few weeks that it wont change anything. But, I will miss having all the time.....so much time. I think I am spoiled.... he says he does not spoil me, but what he gives.....when he gives... i gobble it all up! I consider me spoiled but that is just my opinion, which of course means jack shit, but still my opinion.

Favorite Things...

I was not really sure what I wanted to write about tonight, so I figured I would make a list of all the things Sir does that I love....

• When he makes extra time and surprises me with it
• When he refers to himself as Daddy
• When he says something he wants done short, simple, with no please in front.. ie call me, stand up, show me
• The way he says my whole name in that tone when I'm doing something wrong or he is correcting behavior
• When he calls me names under his breath so others wont hear... whether it be slut, baby girl, whore, little girl.... any of them really =)
• When I'm crying and blabbing so hard he cannot understand a word I'm saying but still manages to calm me down
• How he always takes the time to help me figure out how to deal with things I'm having a difficult time with
• The way he knows exactly what I'm thinking, what I want to eat, or how I feel

Easy Silence

"Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me."

It's a song by the Dixie Chicks. Its how I feel about him, because whenever my world seems to be crashing down, he's there to catch the pieces. I love him and I love that he cares about me. I close my eyes and I can see him there, those baby blues, and I know from what he's saying and I can feel it.... the way he feels.

Over the years Ive gotten very good at running away from these things, but he does not let me run. He reminds me of my place.... "who tells you have done something wrong?" I knew what he was asking, but I was down and bitter and I said, "everyone it seems!" That was quickly corrected with a "don't forget your place girl" The fact is I didn't forget my place, I just wasn't focused on what he was asking....

I am not responsible for everything, and my job is not to make everyone happy. There is one thing and that is that I am pleasing him. He is going to help me to confront some issues tonight and I am hoping that it will finally address most of the things going on right now. Whenever he helps me things are better... I guess im trying to convince myself... I just want to be able to trust and rely and as I continue to struggle with that I am disappointed in myself, yet he is proud... proud of the progress and i need to remember that always and foremost... he is proud.