Random Thoughts...

He needed to go, my sleepy Sir, and he asked me if I was okay with it. Normally I would just say Yes, but this time I did say exactly what was on my mind. I said Yes & No. Because although I did understand he was tired and simply cannot help that, I was also disappointed. I wanted him to know that I was going to miss him and that it did matter to me that he was leaving. He kept apologizing and it was not my intention to summons apologies from him in exchange for my truth. I just did not want to be anything but truthful. I made the comment that tonight was the last night we would have, and he corrected me, rightfully so, by saying the last night this week. I understand this to be a truth as well, but I dont think it makes the situation any less painful. He tried to explain the time I would have tomorrow, but I did not wish to consider it at the time because I tend to focus on the negative and what time I was being given, was followed by a not long. I just do not do well with the farewells I suppose especially when it involves J or hmmmm the trip did not bother me this weekend, so perhaps he has found a way to comfort me with that....

On Friday, I had my task of bringing myself to near orgasm 4 times through mastrubation, taking 10 minutes of rest between, and only allowing myself to orgasm on the 5th time, with his permission. This was a hefty task and my back hurt when all was said and done, but when I was done he had told me he was proud... he called me his little slut... and told me someone else would have to take care of his cock now since I would not be there. This did two things.... the thought of another woman tending to his cock was quite the turn on.... then he said he would be thinking of me.... yet another turn on.... Also, it reminded me of my place... and made me yearn to be there. Which is very good under the current conditions... So today I asked him about her and what she did... It turned me on again ;) Gosh I feel so dirty sometimes =P

Tonight has been a long night, and relationships are wearing on me... there is a lot going on and I know not how to deal with it. This week is going to be very difficult... and next week with the holidays there will be a lot to face that until now I had been able to put off. I wish he was here right now to listen and to hold me and tell me how to fix it all... but hes not....and I will have to wait, but I know he will help me when he can.