"the only thing i can suggest is what i remind myself of occasionally - that he's my dominant, not my babysitter, and finding ways to improve myself and keep myself physically and emotionally strong is *also* my responsibility to him."I think that at the time, this was probably what I REALLY needed most to hear. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling that way that I forget my place. I just end up spinning in circles and things pile up until I cant see up from down or left from right. Sir has always pointed out that when I get to that point I start taking back control. Which is *ironic* (hehe just for you Sir) since my issue is lack of control!
Oy! And how things go round and round.... So I took the "tough love" from Luna - thank you! - he is my dominant and I need to trust him and believe in him. I need to wait when he wants me to wait and trust that he will give me time when its best for both of us. When I talked to Sir about all of this he mentioned that another thing about me is that when I get like this he does pull back some because I get pushy and that's bad because its not my place. Which really doesn't help because once he does pull back then I start feeling that tension and it makes things worse.
I do need to get better about being stronger emotionally for him (even though he does love it when I cry ;) and I'm going to work on that and presentation. So I have a new standing order when I am feeling odd and I have to write it before I say it until I learn how to say it right!
2 comments:
believe me - we learn from each other, all of us. :)
Hi, I just stumbled on your blog and this post, which I could have written. I too tend to flounder when I'm out of his direct control. I definitely tend to doubt myself and I end up in a bad place. Of course, it would be inappropriate to ask him to exercise more control and he doesn't have the time to devote to that anyway.
So I try (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to focus on a specific safe feeling or a specific resonant mantra to get me through the times of doubt. Like I said, sometimes it works better than others, but I think with practice I can change my normal patterns and come to a place of peace.
Here's hoping you find some peace as well and thanks for writing!
-Kitten
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