Growing....

I always like to take time to reflect on growth. Not very long ago I was not even exposed to bdsm in anything more than a "bedroom play" type of understanding. I have to say Kudos to all the people who take this to the next level, out of the bedroom and into a lifestyle. It is definitely hard work... harder than any other relationship. The level of dedication and commitment is much much more. The trust factor is so intense that its tiring at times. Then there is always communication....

I don't think I expected this to be a cake walk. I don't think I really understood how difficult it would be either. There are many times when I have said or expressed my feelings of being overwhelmed and have been told by Sir that I had made a committment to this and to him and that he made it clear from the beginning what would be expected. And he did... there is not doubt about that. I'm just not sure that I really understood at that moment how much work would go into it.

I've said many times before that I feel very blessed to have been chosen by Sir to be able to provide him this service. He is not only my Master, but also a teacher for me. I've learned a lot about myself. He has opened up corners of my mind that even I like to stay away from and forced me to look into myself and face those things. It's all helped me grow so much not only physically but also emotionally. I've always known how to communicate but I cannot say that I have always done so efficiently. The presentation factor plays a lot into that now as it is something that has been drilled into my brain. I can honestly say I've always been a spoiled "little girl" even before Sir came along and dubbed me that. That in and of itself has always made it very easy for me to just pout and whine and get my way. Definitely something that does not work with Sir... in fact, the pouting rather eggs him on in not allowing me my way. It's forced me to look at how to communicate and how to come to him with issues and concerns and also how to take his constructive criticism on a very productive level.

On the topic of being spoiled, this is also something else that I am not where Sir is concerned. It has forced me to really appreciate the things I do get. It can be simple things he says or does, or time that is given. It has definitely taught me to respect a lot more and not take things for granted so often. I guess I don't really have a point in all of this....Just wanted to take the time to think about this and reflect on the things that have made me stronger. I guess also once again to say my thanks to Sir for choosing me =)