He is still very angry with me. We've barely spoken in nearly 5 days now. I've completely neglected my every rule and limitation and direction. I have made choices for my own reasons - be it right or wrong, and I've been told to do as I feel I need to. Which pretty much lets me off the hook for writing too.... so why am I here?
I guess a lot of it has to do with feeling like I have nowhere else to turn. It's not like I've been really open about this new journey I have been taking with anyone I know. It's not really something one would just bring up over coffee or out of the blue and since it's so new to me... I just kept it to myself really. I guess I just hope that somehow I would find comfort here.
The bottom line is, I don't know what is going to happen. I no longer know where I stand or if I even have ground to stand on where he is concerned. Every interaction we have is awkward and uneasy. He has stated his need to make some decisions and limited contact with me immensely. I am lucky to hear from him just once during the day. I am even luckier to receive responses to texts or emails.
I didn't like the way I was being treated, so I lashed out at him. I don't think he is upset about how I feel as much as he is how I communicated those feelings. He is really busy ALL the time. Sometimes he doesn't communicate with me for whole days. It's really quite hard for me to be understanding because he has asked me to do certain things if I need him. If I do what he has requested, a part of me expects him to be there in return. Therein lies the problem and something I've been struggling with since I opened my mouth on Friday. Is it my place to expect anything really?
And now I am faced with the fact that all of this is spanning beyond just my secret little bubble.... I have barely slept in the last 2 days....I sleep when I shouldn't. I'm awake when I should be asleep. I'm thinking about him when I should be focused on work and taking care of myself. Nothing is right. Things are very dark right now and I'm not sure when or if that will change. I don't blame him for being angry. I don't think he's wrong by any means. But that doesn't mean that I am ready to admit that I am wrong. I still feel very strongly about the way this all went down. I think we both could have made better decisions, but once again.... is it really my place to say so?
The Road Taken
3 months ago
3 comments:
Is it my place to expect anything really?
Yes, you should have expectations, everyone does, even submissives. Do you know what your expectations are of him? Have you communicated those things to him?
I've been struggling recently as well, and I've been trying my best to communicate those things that I need and want from Sir (he had me make a little list for him). Do you think that making a list like that would be helpful to you and your Dom?
We are humans, and we need certain things in our relationships. There is nothing "un-submissive" about that.
I hope he is just giving you a bit of cooling-down and refection time; I would try to take it as such.
Again, please email me if you want to talk further.
Seems like there is a lack of communication here. But that doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed in any way. Maybe you just need some time to find each other again? I wish you the best of luck and I am sure everything will turn out fine.
Take care,
tina from Sweden
We're all still reading, and hoping for the best for you.
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