The conversation was short... just a few words really. I have been keeping a nagging assumption to myself lately. I'm sure I shouldn't and the whole "your feelings belong to me" conversation is running through my head at the moment, but still I keep it to myself. So in a way of asking without asking.... I went a different route...
I simply asked: would you ever lie to me about anything? Sir answered a question with a question, which I hate and found myself - thinking it should be a fairly simple yes or no response. I even dared myself to say that to him, but instead I waited for his thoughts... He asked me why and of course again I answered without really answering and said I was just wondering. Then the answer came... it wasn't yes or no. It wasn't at all what I expected.
He simply said: "I don't need to lie to you."
It was one of those light bulb moments & the conversation was ended there as it was quickly followed by a sharp "this is not the time to discuss this" and it really wasn't. Because the conversation was cut short, it provided me plenty of think time immediately following.
Why I asked the question was not because I wanted to know if he would or would not. It was because I assumed he was lying and I expected him to share with me under what circumstances he would lie so that I could understand why he was lying. Shame on me for never giving him credit for always being open and honest. I suppose this taps back into the trust issues that began resurfacing after our 2 week blow up.
But, as usual, he was right. He doesn't need to lie to me. I can think of plenty of times when he has shared with me things that I didn't like, didn't approve of, didn't appreciate, didn't care for, didn't want to know, hurt me, embarassed me, annoyed me, and oh yes things that most people would lie about. So why now, did I think he would change to be a sneaky, deceptive, and all around untrustworthy man? Not because of anything he did, or deserved, and certainly not because he changed.
It was something in me instead... I would normally call them my issues, so it would seem I am still learning that as well.
The Road Taken
3 months ago
2 comments:
It0s good to understand that it's a learning lesson for yóu. I understand where it comes from (i think), sometimes when i'm insecure about where i stand in the relationship with my Master i also wonder if He's telling me what's going on or perhaps doesn't tell me anything. But He doesn't have to tell me in the first place, that's one. Second; He never lied to me or kept things a secret. I have to deal with trust and sometimes Master still amazes me because of His honesty, 'cause in former relationships there were much hidden agenda's and dishonesty. The answer of your Sir makes sense to me and helps me also to learn to trust. Thank you.
I also whish for your Sir and you all the best in 2009.
Sweet greetz, moonheart
Hope you come back to your blog. I enjoy reading your entries and check back often!
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